do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
