You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
