remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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