fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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