her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
