my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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