Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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