i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I want to fling myself into the sun
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
