Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
