Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
