She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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