I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
