life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
