i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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