is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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