Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drake has all the answers
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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