the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
