i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
