Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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