So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
