we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
