What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
