We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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