We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
