Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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