im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
