WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
