i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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