Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
