no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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