11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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