so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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