woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
