If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
