its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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