I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
