So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
