I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
