I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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