when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
