Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
