quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
