Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish I only lived at night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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