I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
