i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
