The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
