sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
