Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
