First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
