im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
